Shug

Millions of Australians are affected by shug each year.  It is more than likely that you have encountered shug in the last year, and quite possible that your health is still impaired by it.

Shug occurs most commonly, although not always, between a man and a woman.  Upon being introduced or greeting each other, one party will go for a handshake, and the other a hug; the result is a painfully awkward shug, sometimes with up to three stuttered attempts to create a full hug.  Shug is closely linked with kug, the moment when one person goes for a plain old platonic hug and the other a kiss on the cheek.  The combination of these two occurrences is far greater than the sum of its parts, indeed suffering a shkug is one of the worst social mishaps one can experience.

Shug can take place anywhere, anytime, but there are common manifestations and locales of Shug that one should be aware of.  The Vaguely Known Relative Shug, the Friend’s Mum Shug, the Mate’s Girlfriend Shug, and the Guy Who Likes to Hug Other Guys Even When Not Drinking Shug are all very common forms, however the worst form of shug is the most prevalent and most unavoidable – the Funeral Shug.  At funerals, the normal social discourse is displaced by an awkward, solemn, affectionate interaction, hence every person you see is a shug waiting to happen.

The main health concerns with shug are mental.  A bad shug can destroy confidence for a whole night, or even longer.  If it is an introduction shug, it can create a permanent umbrella of awkward over the two people involved and could even lead to further shugs in the future, especially if one person claims that they have not been introduced and the other that they have.  Physical effects of shug have also been recorded such as tripping, blushing and spilling drinks.  These physical affects, particularly the latter, and many others tend to accentuate the psychological impact of a shug.

There is no real treatment for shug.  The best option is to be reflexive about how awkward the situation was and try to be humorous about it, yet this is a controversial and often risky maneuver, many prefer to just pretend like the whole event never happened.  A far better approach is prevention.  The best method is to always commit whole heartedly to a hug (most probably with a cheek kiss, but not always!  In the office for instance, the platonic hug is generally the best option) hence eliminating the possibility of shug (and/or kug).  The problem with this tactic is you may be seen as overly affectionate or sleazy, alternatively you may seem European and sensitive - it really depends on your style and audience.