Shit that breaks

Things have a finite existence.  And although I still don't sleep, I'm pretty okay with that.  But some things, like an iconic artist, seem bound to leave this earth much earlier than they should.  In no particular order (except for the ascending one in which I have ranked them because my opinion is fact), here they are:


10. Wallet compartments


9. The 'needle' extension for pumping up footballs, basketballs etc


8. Drawstrings of track pants


7.  Sticky patch on a tobacco pouch
(note; this narrowly edged out the glue that holds a straw to a popper in the category of 'sticky')


6.  Binder folders

5. Paper or sleeves inside binder folders


4. Remote control cars


3. Pies that are too hot (cold pies always maintain a perfect structure)


2. Mattocks


1. Umbrellas­[1]

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[1] I originally had mattocks at number one.  They are by far worse.  If you’ve ever had the chunky metal head of a mattock crush your fingers, or fly over your shoulder and kill a backpacker who you’d hired to work with your for $13 an hour, and then buried in Sutton Forest to ensure that IF the body ever is found it will surely be chalked up as the work of the Milat family...then you know what I mean.  But I put umbrella at number one because the photos on google images of mattocks were lame.  Not like this hip one of the umbrella which I put there because I am a hip guy.  Although a ‘reflexive’ hip guy who can point out my own hip intentions and hence won’t get insulted when you criticize my tight jeans, but rather discuss the sartorial discourse from which they emerged and in doing so use words that you probably don’t understand, and....subsequently engage in an existential monologue about such deconstructions of conversation and in the end assert that I am, in fact, on a whole different level of hipness to you or anybody you’ve met before.  And I’m smart because I write big footnotes.  And you probably think you’re smart for being bothered to read all of this.  But we’re both pretty average so get back to work.